Published on: Thursday, April 21, 2011

10 Tips for Texting or Talking

Posted By: Robyn Greenspan
Filed Under: robyn greenspan, networking, communication, twitter, facebook, friending, texting, email

Comments (13)

Friend me, follow me, invite me, connect with me, Google me, email me, text me.

Talk to me?

I'm pretty awesome with 140 characters, and I can roll out a status update with a punch line, but actual conversation with real people in real time is starting to feel like a challenge.

I ran into a Facebook friend recently who I rarely see in person and found myself tongue-tied making small talk, other than to remark: "I read about your new job;" "Your vacation pictures looked nice;" "I saw you had relatives visiting;" as if I subscribed to the newspaper of her life.

When email became all the rage, those with good penmanship mourned the lost art of letter writing. Now, good talkers might be quieted in favor of good texters.

Much of our communication is happening online and asynchronously, and I'm noticing the degradation in my ability to spontaneously hold a real, meaningful conversation, which means I have to get out more often.

Certainly, there is a message in here about balance and practice, along with some tips for communicating in any medium — email, online messaging, Twitter, comments and face-to-face — to create more engaging and effective interaction:

Begin with the �give" not the �get." What can I do for you goes a lot further than what can you do for me.
Don't hit-and-run. There is still a relationship to maintain even after you get what you need.
Be human, not a cardboard cutout. Setting up social networking accounts and neglecting them is the equivalent of being a wallflower at a live meeting. Networking is more than being present.
Mean what you say. I knew someone who was such a people-pleaser that he always volunteered to do X for everyone but X never materialized. After a while, his spoken and written words meant nothing.
Ask questions. It's been said that it is better to be interested than interesting, which is heartbreaking to us Leos. But getting to know what's important to someone else enables you to help them (see #1).
Steer the conversation, but don't force it. If someone keeps politely changing the subject, there's a reason. Be respectful; follow their lead and talk sports, weather or whatever.
Take the online, offline. The best relationships are not sustained through one dimension, and the association deepens when there is dialogue beyond the initial connection point. Turn an email into a phone call, a comment into coffee, LinkedIn invite into lunch.
Be authentic. It's easier to detect lip service when you can actually see someone's lips, but insincerity can permeate online messages, too.
Do a tone check. The look on someone's face is a sign to follow your sarcasm with, �Just kidding!" but you don't have that visual benefit with an online message. Err on the side of misinterpretation and find a more tactful way to say something.
Bring closure. If someone has been kind enough to make an introduction, send a referral, or take some action to bring you closer to a goal, be sure you follow-up and let the person know if everyone lived happily ever after.

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Robyn Greenspan's avatar Robyn Greenspan
Robyn Greenspan is the Editor-in-Chief at ExecuNet, where she is responsible for setting and driving the editorial content engagement strategy across the private business network's publications and expert-led programming. She is also a Huffington Post blogger. You can follow her on Twitter @RobynGreenspan

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Posted by Christopher Gallinari
05/09 @ 06:51 PM

This article raises a lot of interesting points. Thanks for posting it.

Regarding No. 7, I think of on-line networking and in-person networking as two components that can work well together. Yes, on-line we can do a lot: identify opportunities for the sharing of information among like-minded people, organize lists of contacts, coordinate them with lists of others in our networks, keep in touch with people spread across wide geographic areas and others we haven�t had direct contact with in a long time. And, yes, I agree that we then must step away from the screen and interact again in a more human setting, enhance a contact made or re-established on-line with an old-fashioned, face-to-face meeting over coffee, breakfast or lunch.

But, this kind of synergy between on-line and in-person networking can work in the opposite direction, too. In-person networking gives us the opportunity to meet people in live settings, people that we then can include in our subsequent on-line networking activities. And as we use both kinds of networking more and more, our efforts in each can help our efforts in the other to thrive.

Posted by Bill Leinweber
05/06 @ 09:50 AM

This is a great and very timely post, Robyn. As I read it, I was reminded of those who say "customers are changing" or "what customers want is changing," which I don't buy. What we want as customers, and as humans, is much the same as it has always been. What has changed, of course, is the technology and how we interact as humans and as customers. It all still comes down to the quality of relationships and how those relationships make us feel. We struggle to manage the timeless tenets of good relationship in the ever-changing landscape of technology.

Thanks for illuminating very meaningful tips and guidance.

Posted by Jerry Rice
05/05 @ 11:17 AM

I prefer face-to-face networking so that I can more fully understand the person with whom I am speaking. Body language, tone of voice, eye contact, etc. help to clarify what the person is saying. There is also a better chance of connecting with the person in order to accomplish meeting goals. The only way I would use online or phone is when either there is no other way to meet or if the meet is too expensive due to distance or parking fees.

Posted by Sudhir Kumar Khullar
05/05 @ 07:59 AM

Do as you would be done by.
This is the gist of ethics.

Posted by Scott Asai
05/04 @ 06:11 PM

In person will always rule. The idea of social media and other technology is to bridge the location gap and provide more opportunities to engage with others, but when we choose to not meet face to face (if possible) we lose a lot in translation. Networking for example is best in person. Other forms can work, but it should always lead to an in person conversation if possible.

Posted by Herman Yong
05/04 @ 02:33 PM

Very, very true, Robynn. You are right in giving closure - I thoroughly enjoy the article - very insightful.

Thanks.

Herman

Posted by Richard Kirby
05/04 @ 02:21 PM

Robyn,
Great ideas! I especially like your #1. You see so many people viewing networking and relationships as one way, never recognizing that giving is an important way to establish and maintain one.
Also, #5, 7, and 10 are also personal favorites.
Thanks!

Posted by Nehemiah
05/04 @ 02:04 PM

One aspect of your #3 that I exercise and which makes me seem a Luddite to my co-workers, is that I marshal my time by choosing carefully into which new social media i want to jump. I made the "mistake" of opening a Facebook page a couple years ago, and then found that so many people who either don't have much of a life or don't have much in the way of "real" communication to keep them busy, would essentially demand more of my time than i was willing to invest. Therefore, i placed a message there that tells anyone visiting my Facebook page, that i only check it a couple times a year. IOW, there are better ways to reach me if it is important. We have email, Facebook, LinkedIn, twitter, texting, blogging, calling, etc. For different relationships, some work better than others. But i do not feel a responsibility to adopt them all, and certainly not multiple means (other than email and phone) for most contacts.

Posted by Wayne Wilson
05/04 @ 01:12 PM

I'm the President and owner of International Apparel Search and would like to join the network.

Posted by Robyn Greenspan
04/27 @ 04:52 PM

Ha! I did the same thing with about.me! I guess if us early adopters aren't using it then maybe nobody else is either.

See you soon!

Posted by George Levy
04/27 @ 04:49 PM

Thanks.

Had to jump quickly on this one (now it's personal

)

I'm also a big "hogger" of my username when new technologies come out (I promise I will complete my about.me profile someday soon, meanwhile - I will have to accept remaining a cardboard cutout for a little while longer...)

Can't wait to see you at WIF and "take the online, offline

Posted by Robyn Greenspan
04/27 @ 04:36 PM

George,

Your comments are well-appreciated! There are some days I'm tempted to disable all my online accounts, revert to voice/physical communication only and digitally disappear...

But then I get a tweet from someone and the feeling passes!

Currently, I'm active with the Big 4 -- Facebook for friends/family; LinkedIn as professional contact manager; ExecuNet for high-level business networking; and Twitter as a mixture of everything. It's easier for me to be responsive if there are fewer channels to manage.

However, I open accounts on any of the new social technologies that seem useful or promising so my name is reserved if they become the next big thing.

I think we're all challenged by this, George, and I have always found you to be a speedy email responder but I will be understanding if you have to take your time.

Posted by George Levy
04/27 @ 03:29 PM

This is an excellent post.

I've been struggling personally with finding how to keep connected via all the avenues for communication I have opened up. Starting with various email accounts for personal use along with my business email then to my Facebook & Twitter, MSN Messenger, Skype, my YouTube channel and Flickr then moving on to my LinkedIn...

First from my desktop, to my laptop and now my mobile devices. I find that the more "instant means of communicating" I open myself to, the more challenging it is to remain connected. Keeping track on Hootsuite and other feed aggregators definitely help but it still only addresses the receiving part, not the personally answering each message with the degree of attention it deserves.

I particularly find challenging points 2,3 and 7 as I find that it's increasingly harder to balance all those inputs with responding in due time...

Thanks for putting together this list. I don't feel so alone anymore and it helps put the whole issue into context which helps put a framework of how I can address this.

Tx!

George